What's It Like When Someone Dies? |
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| The death of someone close can be painful, distressing, a turmoil of emotions and feelings. Clare has written about the death of her mother two years ago, thinking about the various feelings and emotions commonly felt during these times. SHOCK My mum had been ill for almost a year with cancers of various kinds. At first she was sure she would recover, but as each check showed how the cancer had spread we all became resigned to the fact that she didn't have long to live. She spent her last month in a hospice where she was well cared for. Even though I knew she was going to die and we were all at her bedside when she did die I still went into shock. I felt numb, I couldn't eat or drink, I was shaky and felt that I wasn't in control. I couldn't cry or even accept that it had happened for several days. I was amazed how shocked I was because I knew it was going to happen - I thought knowing would make it easier, but it didn't. |
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| ANGER I had been very angry all through my Mum's illness and couldn't understand why it was happening to her - why I should be left without my Mum. Even though I have been married for years and have children of my own, I needed my Mum around and didn't want to lose her. GUILT I've heard people say that when someone dies suddenly you feel more guilty because you don't have time to say goodbye, or put right anything that was wrong in your relationship. I didn't have to go through that. I felt a different sort of guilt. When my Mum was really in pain I prayed for her to die. I didn't want to see her suffering any more, but also the strain was getting to me. I wanted it to all be over. Then afterwards I felt guilty for feeling like that. FEAR I did feel very frightened at how I would cope without my Mum. She was always there to talk to when things went wrong, or to share good times. For several months after her death I would think, 'I'll just ring Mum and tell her ...' Then I would realise I couldn't. LONELINESS I am very fortunate to have my family around me. It makes losing my Mum more bearable - there are other people I can turn to. There are still times when I miss her terribly, and I always will. HOPE My faith in God has helped me through all of these feelings and emotions. He knows how I feel even before I know myself, and He is there to comfort, guide and help me through the difficult times. My Mum was a Christian and knew with all her being that she was going to be with Jesus when she died. Because I believe this too, it sort of takes the sting out of death. I know I will see her in heaven and although we will not be people like we are now we will be re-united for eternity. Heaven will be a wonderful place. Death holds no fear for me. |
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